Why I Haven’t Released New Music Since 2020
It's been a few years since my latest release… why?
It’s a harsh reality when I think about the fact that I haven’t released any new music in nearly three years.
Am I creatively blocked? Am I not confident in my music? Is it not worth it anymore?
I could run off a list of reasons or excuses why I haven’t released any new music. Divorce and moving back to the USA are high on the list of good excuses, but I’m not ready to share that part of my life. Plus, I hate excuses.
I was producing some new music about one year ago. Then I destroyed my laptop with a glass of wine. I wasn’t drunk, it just spilled on accident. It was an expensive accident, to say the least.
I work online as a freelance writer, so I had to finance a new computer just to be able to keep working and making money online.
I honestly haven’t opened my music recording software since that incident.
It was a heavy blow, both financially and emotionally.
Luckily, my new laptop is now paid off after 12 months of no interest.
I still perform live music regularly. Bars and breweries still hire me every month to perform live and I play regularly at some of Miami’s trendiest spots.
I’ve proven myself to be a talented performer time and time again, despite constantly hearing my sister’s voice in my head telling me how I’m “just not a very good singer.”
Her voice compounds the pressure of my own self-doubt and inner critic.
But there's a big difference between making money as a local live music entertainer in small venues and building an audience of fans that will come to your shows, download your music, and buy your merch. . .
The real reason I haven’t produced new music is time, money, and simply put - being in survival mode. That’s my excuse, anyway.
I could talk to you until I’m blue in the face about how people spend too much time surviving and not enough time thriving. It’s easier said than done.
I need to reevaluate how I approach my music endeavors. I want to come from a place of abundant, thriving energy - not survival or being motivated by profit.
Again, easier said than done, especially when it costs money to make money.
As with any business, you need to invest a lot into a music career before you begin to see any profitable returns. First, you need time and space to create, write, and record new music.
You have to make high-quality photos and videos, record music in the studio, hire musicians, photographers, and videographers, and run ads and marketing. If you don’t have a budget to promote and market, you can’t do anything.
I’m sorry, I’m not banking on “going viral” because someone saw my acoustic cover of a 90’s hip hop song on YouTube. The average person seems to think this is how success happens for music makers. It isn't… I want to create a sustainable business that attracts new fans. I want to create a music business model that is sustainable and congruent with my values.
It’s hard to justify dumping time, energy, and cash into a music project that doesn’t see financial returns. That said, I never really invested much money into my music. It seems I've always got just what I need, but not much more…
I spent the money, time, and energy to make the music, but then I dropped the ball when it came to producing videos, photo shoots, and running marketing campaigns around my music and art to attract new fans. It's hard to pull the trigger on a $500 marketing plan when you're not sure if you'll even make $50 in downloads.
I never made music for the money, to begin with, and like most artists, I wasn't thinking of dollar signs when I was creating. I was thinking of energy, emotion, and creativity.
I never learned how to translate that into a successful career - beyond live performance and I can’t afford to lose money trying to make music at this point in my life - that would just make it an expensive hobby.
The thing is, now it feels like I just don’t have time or space to create. I spend most of my time working online, waiting tables, and playing shows to make ends meet. It’s hard to justify spending time and money on musical endeavors that don’t return on the investment.
Is it because I don’t know how to market myself or run a business? Or is my music shit?
Is this where the dream dies? Is this the moment I realize I should’ve stayed in college instead of choosing to drop out from overwhelming exhaustion and burnout?
I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and I certainly didn't want to keep taking out student loans when I couldn't handle my full-time school load and full-time workload together. I wish I had a little more guidance and support when I was younger, but hey, such is life. . .
Is this the moment I give up on my dream of making a living as a musician, artist, and creative person?
Should I just go ahead and hang my guitar on the wall and give in to the stability of a low-paying 9-5? That's the typical arc of a musician's career anyway, isn't it? Well, right now I'm about to finish my 200 RYT yoga teacher training and will be adding “yoga teacher” to my resumé and skill set. Yoga, like music, has been a healing tool for me for over a decade now.
With all the different things I do for work, I make due. But it doesn’t leave much room for creative time or funds for a music marketing campaign that may or may not prove to be successful.
I’m not telling you this for a pity party. I’m not asking for financial help.
I just felt I owed you all an explanation about why I haven’t released new music in three years. I have it in me. I have songs for you. I want to spend my time making new music. It eats me alive inside... I'm just in survival mode and trying to find balance. It's hard to be creative when you're in survival mode.
Playing music is something that will always be a part of my life. I’m not seeking fame and fortune with my music, so if I don’t see those aspects manifest, I’m not disappointed.
I seek connection, healing, and transcendence from suffering with my art. Those are my “KPIs”, but how do I translate that into financial success?
Playing music and playing my guitar has always helped me feel better.
When there was no connection in my life, I connected to my guitar, and learning new songs was a great distraction from my pain.
When there was no healing in my life, the vibration of uplifting music and lyrics, and expressing myself through my music performance, helped me move energy and emotions stuck inside that were causing detriment.
When I suffer, music moves me toward healing and feeling.
I don’t think that my music is going anywhere anytime soon. All I truly want to share with my music is a healing energy that helps you move stuck emotions and reminds you that you are enough, that you have a place in this world, and that you’re not alone in your human experience.
It’s the message I’ve needed all of my life. It’s a message I’ve had to cultivate for myself. It’s what I hope my music does for others. Heal, transcend, and transform. To give hope in a hopeless world.
Maybe I’ve needed this time to reformulate my inner world, become a more authentic version of myself, and sharpen my message.
While I work my regular jobs, I’ve been using what little extra time I have left after cooking and cleaning to study marketing, branding, and how to run a music business. That way, the next time I release music, I’ll have a plan to make it more successful - or at least break even.
So, no, I’ll never “give up” on my music and artistry. It lives in me and I cannot cut it out of my soul.
My music goals are not to become famous or make millions. I don’t want that life. I want a life with purpose and meaning. If fame and fortune are a part of that journey, then great!
I’m just trying to figure out the appropriate sacrifices I need to make so that I can achieve the life I want.
Meanwhile, I am grateful to have some wood to chop and water to carry.
Until next time, Best Wishes from
- Aaron Matthew
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